I’m back home now after a rather jolting week in Korea. While the the full impact of the visit hasn’t yet settled in, I have some meaningful impressions worth sharing.
Family Will Be Family
If my previous post was any indication of anxiety and speculation, this post reflects pragmatism and sobriety. In other words, meeting long-lost family in another part of the world for the first time is not that big a deal.
I sat down for an hour and a half with two of my cousins Ko, Se-Shil and Ko, Seon-Gyu at the hotel lobby cafe, and we got to know each other a bit. They were attentive and offered to fill-in for me any missing details of our family.
The Ko family is pretty normal, I learned. We share many of the same aspirations and dysfunctions as everyone else. My grandfather was a bank president, later an artist, fathered seven children and taught himself English. He and my grandmother had a fiery, turbulent relationship, and a couple of our uncles are quasi-destitute.
As far as me being the legendary first-born son of the Ko family, I’m embarrassed to say that was self-imposed hype. To them, I was simply known as “Chucky,” the distant cousin known for being a nice kid and good in math (which is kinda funny because I suck at math).
A few days later in the city of Daejeon, I had dinner with my uncle Ko, Kwan Jin. He was a pretty normal guy, too, talking mostly about what it’s like to do business in Asia and how I—if so desired—could get a piece of the action. For me to do anything, he said, I must first learn to speak Korean.
Totally Homogeneous People
I never understood what homogenized milk is, but I can definitely tell you about homogenized culture. Korean people are extremely homogeneous, meaning they don’t mix with others from outside their country. During my first disorienting day in Seoul, I saw a grand total of two Westerners, and it was unsettling.
There are ups and downs to this. I can’t say which outweighs the other, but having everyone in your country the same ethnicity means very few universal differences. As a result, the Korean people seem cohesive, peaceful and single-minded in purpose.
Koreans are also kind and helpful to outsiders. During many moments of stress, I’d ask a bystander in English for help catching a train or subway and they would offer to carry my bag as they led the way. Everywhere I went, I felt safe (including the smoky underground bar I strayed into near Hongik).
I can’t quite articulate the down side to being in a completely homogeneous culture other than it’s not America. I didn’t realize until I went to Korea that the USA is definitely one-of-kind in a wonderful way. The contributions and influence of every race and shade of person in the world is the cornerstone of our culture. I don’t think we always appreciate this.
Korea was great, but home is where my heart is.
What This All Means
To be honest, I’m uncertain what this trip represents. Is it a one-time hello and goodbye to still distant relatives or is this a newly opened door of opportunity? While it may be easy to choose the latter, keep in mind the work to cultivate this connection is all in my hands.
As it always has been, my Korean family members live very separate lives from me. They are settled in a country that is origin to their entire lineage and ancestry. I am a foreigner in nearly every way, bound only by my mother who left and never turned back 35 years ago.
The only realistic path I see is to slowly teach myself Korean, much as my grandfather taught himself English. Then sometime in the near future I can bring my wife and children to Korea to meet the country and the family.
From there, we could establish a deep and meaningful connection that—without my intervention—may have never existed. One can only hope for these things.
Hello, Charles.
On the surfin’ internet, I found your post. Your posting is really impressed so I left my thought. Before I say, I’m sorry for my poor English. I’m Korean.
I felt sympathy for your idea. I used to heard the word ‘Dan-il-min-jok guk-ga’ (it it means a racially homogeneous nation) from text books or media. In history, Korea incessantly exposed to external aggressions. I guess they tried to protect their cultures and nationality (linked directly with personality) for that reason. This resulted in homogeneous people. Although the world is changed and there are many international couples, some people, even lived western country, disagree their child meet a foreigner.
Anyway, there are many good place to go. I’m sorry for your missing. It is good to visit Korea again with your family, sometime. 🙂
Ami
Hi Ami —
I’m so pleased to read your comment and really want to thank you for leaving it. Please don’t worry about your English — it’s much better than my Korean.
Thanks for your insight about Korea as a homogeneous nation — because of you, I have a much better appreciation of why it is that way. I do know that Korea is right on the middle of Japan and China and that’s been a source of many problems throughout history. It makes sense why Koreans want to preserve their culture and people.
On the flip side, being American — it’s a hard concept for me to grasp. I’m so used to everyone around me being mixed up of all kinds of ethnicities. It’s not always easy living like this, but great progress and innovation come out of it when people decide to work together.
But this doesn’t mean I dislike Korea — I actually love it and plan to go back again with my family. The people are wonderful and kind and helpful.
Hi Charles,
I just came across your blog and read this post on your recent trip to Korea. I’m from South Africa, but have been living in South Korea since 2007. I’m an English teacher at an elementary school. I’m also a writer so I completely felt the emotion that was portrayed in your post.
I feel like the longer I spend in Korea, the more alienated I feel. I’m of Indian (South East Asian) descent and there a number of similarities that my culture shares with Korean culture. But at the end of the day, it’s not my home. And one sentence in your post that struck me is, “Home is where the heart is”
During my time here, I have made some awesome friends and have even acquired a Korean “mother / father” and so many “brothers and sisters”. But there’s still a feeling of distance that I feel…mostly when I want to talk about something relating to my life before Korea. Then I remember that no one knows me or my life before I came here.
I blog about my life here quite often – as a means to chronicle my journey and adventure and also, to share what I’ve been up to with my family and friends.
I just linked up with you on Twitter and will visit your blog again 🙂
Sheetal
Thanks so much Sheetal for your empathy and outreach. I was actually surprised to hear you feel even more alienated after being there for some time — one might assume the opposite.
Something that helps me better understand Korea is observing the Koreans who have emigrated here to America. They stick very closely together and are usually quite reserved. They too must feel alienated being away from their country.
I look forward to reading your blog and learning more about your interesting life. Aloha.
Hi 🙂
Yes, one would assume that after some time I’d feel more “at home” here, but in my case, not so.
I have had some of the best moments of my life in Korea… also, some of the worst – the loneliness can eat you up so viciously on those cold winter nights!
There’s a lot more to what I have to say and would like to say, but I’ll leave that for my blog 🙂
Happy to ‘meet’ you!
Sheetal